Aunt Denise

The cardinal in my dreams…

I saw the tubes, and I wanted to undo them; “stay with me,” I wanted to say.

Instead, I said, “It’s okay. You’ve fought so hard, and it’s okay if you have to go.”

Every day I wake up, and I know you’re gone. Every fucking day, I have to tell myself you are not alive–you are not home. I have your glass bowl, the one that you’d filled with goulash and sent home with me one day last winter…the glass bowl that now sits empty on my bookshelf.

Aunt Denise, did you ever finish reading my novel? I’ll never know. All I know is that you were proud of me.

All I know is that you loved me.

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18 thoughts on “Aunt Denise

  1. Don’t want to click like, my sweet friend. Death is paralytic, I remember feeling like someone had nailed one of my feet to the floor. I couldn’t move on, I just kept spinning in circles.
    The Dalai Lama once said that when we feel that way it can help to do something in that persons name, use their death to create something beautiful in this world. All I have in my head is an image of your cardinal.
    Sending so many hugs you won’t know what to do with them all.

    Liked by 1 person

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